The joy of connecting with community
The joy of connecting with community
To feel seen and heard on another level is a blessing.
I am privileged to be able to work globally. And I am American; thus, I visit the USA regularly. This trip was primarily business, but I saw my mother and other family in Kansas.
I reconnected with two of my closest high school friends--John and Kevin. We are three 50-something cats with a shared history where we cared for, looked out for, and contributed to each other’s growth.
It had been more than 30 years since the three amigos traveled to the Cotton Bowl (i.e., American college football for the uninitiated or non-American) to play with the Topeka High School Trojans marching band.
We had marvelous adventures, from the bus ride to the game during those days. We had a blast recollecting and laughing about them!
We hadn’t been together as a trio for over 25 years. Since both have moved back to our hometown, Topeka, my incentives to visit when in the country have been expanded.
I love those brothers.
It was a delight and a blessing to have that fellowship and brotherhood after knowing and supporting one another for almost 40 years. Having a community of men with whom you can be open and vulnerable gets rarer with age.
When I think about men supporting men, the examples are more related to small circles or dyads. Your friend circles are smaller as you get older, marry, divorce, and remarry.
People move away. People move on.
We grow apart.
Men are more susceptible to this. A few people are talking about men’s well-being. Few are from the DEI space, and very few see men’s flourishing as part of the DEI paradigm.
I have found a few compelling resources worth your time:
Scott Galloway with Richard Reeves from the Brookings Institution on The Prof. G. Pod
Male inequality, explained by an expert | Richard Reeves
Focus on traumatized boys critical to gender equality, research shows
And I sat on a panel about this in 2021, hosted by Randstad, with many powerful brothers committed to uplifting men in American companies. It was called Flourishing Under Fire and featured business leaders such as Sekou Kaalund, Andre Dickens, Michael C. Bush, Maurice Jones, and many others.
I met with some of my most trusted male friends throughout this trip. In addition to my childhood buddies, shout outs to Daren Bascome and Tony Silbert, who I consider true advisors, confidants, and brothers.
I also connected with two spiritual brothers/mentors, Ben and Shang-Sheng, and Yu-Hua and Mrs. Liu (aka Liu Mama), Shang-Sheng’s mother. There, I got a home-cooked meal thanks to Shang-Sheng. And a high dose of mugwort tea to avoid negative energy and illnesses courtesy of Liu Mama.
Ahhhh! To feel seen and heard on another level is a blessing.
Being away from my wife, son, and step-twins is difficult.
The travel allowed me to see along with my mother, Harriett, cousins, aunts and uncles, and all of the friends mentioned above. No days are promises. I cherish every interaction I have.
Other random musings:
The trip reminded me that I need to restart randomly buying small tubes of hand cream. They used to be in every piece of luggage and backpack or briefcase I owned. I could look through some old ones and find at least a sample.
People on overnight flights ________(fill in the blank.)
On overnight flights across the Atlantic Ocean from the USA, I typically can fall asleep from wheels up to landing (given 5-9 hours of flight time). This time, my return flight slumber partially disappeared.
Thus, the above inquiry on overnight actions while intermittently, lightly, or deeply sleeping.
I dare not share my list. Everybody who has been airborne overnight and without slumber has collected personal data, and we all treat it like Vegas rules.
What happens on the overnight flight stays on the flight.
What is the average number of Lyft’s and Uber’s takes per week on a business trip?
I used public transportation or walked 75% of the time.
Exceptions were weather or efficiency-related (i.e., Pouring rain and navigating meeting locations while completing a previous meeting) and Topeka. Kansas, that is. Where there some great people are from. But public transportation is not its strength.
I once believed I was related to some people in Topeka and from Topeka that I never met or got to know well.
It occurred to me this trip that with the many references to people my mom made to “your (my [late]) dad’s cousin” somewhere, it seems I’m related to significantly more than that. “
There were many times I’d been out with my dad during my high school and college years. We’d encounter an attractive woman my age and her parents, and my dad would say, “That’s your cousin, Amri.”
There were times after they weren’t around when I’d ask, “How close of a cousin?”
And he would chuckle and never give me a straight answer.
Now, I know why he never answered. It didn’t matter how close.
People throughout this trip, friends, strangers, and Uber drivers, asked me, “Do you miss the USA?”
There is a concept called “Functional Semi-Consciousness.”
I learned it from my colleagues Susan Brady and Elisa Van Damn at Simmons Institute for Inclusive Leadership. It means that one can care about someone’s opinion of them, just not more than is warranted or healthy and not so little that you occur as a sociopath.
I miss the USA, but not too much. I “feel” more American than I ever have in my life. I miss my country (and family, friends, Whole Foods, gourmet coconut milk-based ice cream, Cheez-Its (my four-year-old son’s favorite American snack food not sold in Switzerland)) enough to know and cherish its importance, but not so much that I hold American as an exception of greatness.
Home travels with the heart.
💡A Quote
"There are the waves and there is the wind, seen and unseen forces. Everyone has these same elements in their lives, the seen and unseen: karma and free will. The question is, 'how are you going to handle what you have?' You are riding the karmic wave underneath and the wind can shift. Everyone must take what they see and deal with that which is unseen."
― Kuan Yin Bodhisattva
📚A Book
Photo Credit: Amazon.com
Cry Like a Man: Fighting for Freedom from Emotional Incarceration by Jason Wilson
➕A Documentary
The Cave of Adullam: Featuring Jason Wilson
I hope this was helpful. . . Make it a great day! ✌🏿
In this episode of the ‘Reconstructing Inclusion’ podcast, we explore the current state of DEI, both within the United States and its global impact. While the U.S. has long been a significant influencer in DEI practices, recent developments have sparked debates about the direction and impact of these efforts. Some argue that the U.S. has been influential to a fault, while others believe there is room for more positive change.