Choice and Paternalism
Choice and Paternalism
I made a mistake.
Several years ago, while still working in a multinational pharmaceutical company, I told one of the members of my team not to tell the senior HR leadership of whom I was a part at the time, that she was pregnant—at least not until after the decisions about promotions were made.
Knowing someone with a short but impactful tenure with our team would be out on maternity leave within a year might make the group feel the (well-deserved) promotion could wait. Why would they decide to promote her immediately (beyond my full-throated support) vs. in the following year’s cycle?
It was a gross assumption on my part. Yet, my history with those making the decisions for promotions had me, consciously or unconsciously, without confidence that the information wouldn’t undeservedly be considered, biasing their decision-making.
My direct report was upset with my sharing what I thought was a protective measure. She felt bad and proceeded to share with my manager and others on the HR leadership team, that it was suggested that she cover herself and that I made her feel uncomfortable with my advice.
While I wished she had shared her sentiments with me directly rather than subsequently hearing them via a third party, I got it.
In retrospect, despite my seeing that many current and historical members of the HR leadership team (and potential successors) were either single, without children, or primary breadwinners with a clear work priority. My conclusion was that people who resembled the above tended to be presented with opportunities for advancement quicker than those who prioritized time with their children.
In retrospect, my observation, conclusion, and suggestion were not done with calculated precision. It was intuition based on a few data points and how I perceived the workflow among the team. There was no judgment of what I saw. It was simply me seeing a particular pattern and thinking that we could mitigate any potential adverse impacts by discussing it with my report as a possibility that could be circumvented by simply sharing news of her pregnancy openly about 3-4 weeks later.
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In retrospect, what I did was act in a paternalistic manner. Wikipedia provides a definition of paternalism that fits what I perpetuated:
Paternalism is action that limits a person's or group's liberty or autonomy and is intended to promote their own good. Paternalism can also imply that the behavior is against or regardless of the will of a person, or also that the behavior expresses an attitude of superiority.
It didn’t matter my intention. What mattered is that as a superior to my direct report, I suggested that, in a way, I knew better than she did about when, how, and with whom to share news about her body and family.
In retrospect, I knew better. And, I selfishly really wanted to keep her on our team. Her skill set was unique, and her work, insights, and network brought new perspectives to the team and to DEI across the organization. I knew she was very good and produced at a high level. I wouldn’t have her for a long time, but I wanted to keep her as long as possible.
She didn’t get the promotion.
And before my direct report went on maternity leave, another former DEI executive from another company division who’d moved on to a top HR executive role and was a mentor to her, snagged her for a role two levels higher than what she had while reporting to me.
There is no moral to the story other than to be aware of your paternalistic ways and not think that the notion of paternalism only applies to men. “Your” includes me speaking to myself!
Recently, a news story from the USA highlighted a pregnant woman soon to defend her Ph.D. She had the baby earlier than expected. It was born the day her dissertation defense was scheduled. She had the baby, napped, ate a healthy meal, dressed, and defended her dissertation virtually. I suspect it took less than an hour. In the end, she revealed her “little secret.”
Many people were discussing on LinkedIn how the university should have changed the date for her. Their rallying cry was that women, especially women of color, face so many barriers and that this woman, now Dr., should have been given the chance to have her baby in peace.
Two things can be true at the same time. Women of color face barriers and experience disparate maternal health outcomes. Tamiah Brevard-Rodriguez chose to defend her dissertation the same day after giving birth to her second child in the passenger seat of her wife’s Maserati. She made the plan, did the work, and chose not to disclose the situation—at least not until after she had successfully completed her defense. And now, she is Dr. Tamiah Brevard-Rodriguez.
I say, what a story to tell your kids!
Related post: Traps and Trade-Offs in DEI, Part II
Others have a different perspective. That is, as my colleague André Darmanin shared,
“I was on the edge of losing my temper when I read the headline. But then I came across Courtney's post, and it put everything into perspective. The problem is the pervasive rugged individualism and talk of resilience that persists in American culture. This is the same problem that Olli Tangen, a Norwegian oil executive, praised in a FT story I shared a few weeks ago.”
This is worth a discussion. Are we traversing a form of paternalism or simply articulating what we think is in support and protection of mothers of color?
Maybe both things can be true. What do you think?
I hope this was helpful. . . Make it a great day! ✌🏿
In this episode of the ‘Reconstructing Inclusion’ podcast, we talk about the importance of listening for diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI), and how it can be practiced and improved upon both personally and professionally. Raquel Ark, the Founder of listening ALCHEMY, shares insights into her background, growing up between cultures, and how it shaped her understanding of different perspectives and listening. Raquel emphasizes the role of listening in high-stakes situations, the need for humility, and the impact of listening on building trust and effective communication.